Written by Dean Nelson

In the movie “27 Dresses,” Jane embarrasses her younger sister Tess in the days just before Tess’s wedding by confiding to a newspaper reporter how greedy, demanding, and out of control the bride-to-be is. Tess explodes when the feature story appears, and it seems the sisters’ relationship is ruined forever.

But a remarkably brief time later, Tess tells Jane, “I’ve decided to forgive you.” She then checks off a line on a piece of paper she’s holding – as if forgiving her sister was an item on her to-do list. If it were only that simple.

Everyone knows that forgiveness is not so easy that it can be put on a chore list next to “pick up dry cleaning” and “rotate tires.” It’s complicated. Messy. Guilt-inducing. Especially as the holidays approach.

A New Kind of Normal
Jana Cranmer knows the difficulty involved in forgiving family. The California native was rocked when her parents split up after 27 years of marriage. The divorce was complicated and took a full year to finalize. Family traditions that Cranmer and her adult siblings had enjoyed their entire lives had to change as their family changed. And since Mom and Dad weren’t speaking to each other, it was unclear how the situation would all work out.

Cranmer, her brother, and her sister had to make decisions about where each holiday event would occur and with whom. “Every holiday is stressful,” Cranmer confesses. “The kids have to be the adults.”

There is a constant give and take of how each new wrinkle should be handled. “Every holiday there was a new issue,” Cranmer recalls.

“I resented having to take responsibilities that I shouldn’t have had to take.”

The divorce caused Cranmer to experience aspects of the grief cycle. At first she didn’t want to believe it was true. Then anger set in; she withdrew from her dad and kept her distance for more than two years. After a particularly blistering phone call from him, Cranmer told her father to never speak to her again. “I wondered if I could have any relationship with my dad at all,” she shares. “Were the wounds worth it?”

Cranmer’s reaction makes perfect sense to Dan Jenkins, director of Lighthouse Psychological Services, Inc., a counseling center in San Diego. “Withdrawing builds a wall of protection around the person who feels wronged. We don’t want to get hurt again, so we cut that person off,” Jenkins explains. “In the short run, it is easier to avoid dealing with it altogether.” But that choice comes with a price. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Sue Raley

This article is courtesy of Mature Living.

My participation in the Senior Link ministry of my church began with a simple question: “Will you be my mentor?” Through this ministry, a senior adult single or couple is linked to a young adult for the purpose of being a listener, mentor, friend, and even a resident grandparent. 

Shannon is my young adult, and we relate to each other nearly every day, either through visits, phone calls, or e-mail. Together, we enjoy discussing a wide variety of topics. Sometimes, she initiates conversations about spiritual life and growth. At other times, we talk about whatever is on her mind, including personal relationships, plans for the future, and daily life experiences.

When I agreed to participate in the Senior Link ministry of Brentwood Baptist Church, Brentwood, Tenn., I thought mentoring would be a one-way street where I would be called upon to give support and encouragement. However, God has surprised me by doing immeasurably more than all I asked or imagined (Eph. 3:20). I have become the recipient of daily blessings. As a mentor, I may be a friend and teacher, but I have also been privileged to become a learner. While I hang (spend time) with Shannon, she teaches me a new vocabulary and so much more.

We’ve discussed the serious and the LOL (laugh out loud) funny. We’ve walked and talked, prayed, celebrated, laughed, and cried together. I feel that as Shannon has thrived, I have also reaped unexpected rewards. MGB (may God bless) has come true as He has blessed me through this ministry.

Using the word mentor as an acrostic, let me share some of the blessings I have received.

M — Meaningful Discussions
An important function of a mentor is being available to discuss any topic of interest to the young adult. Shannon and I have established a strong foundation of mutual trust, so that any subject may be explored briefly or in depth. I feel honored to be asked significant questions and to have my knowledge and viewpoint accepted and respected.

E — Everyday Living
Mentoring an active young adult has energized my everyday life. I am proud to share with Shannon such “old-fashioned” skills as growing petunias and cooking in a slow cooker. Walking her dog at midday is a pleasant break for me, while it enables her to be at work all day without concern for her pet. In fact, her little dog makes me GAO (glad all over) as he celebrates my arrival each day. Read the rest of this entry »